Chris Brogan: Be there for people before the sale

My take: Be willing to reach out and help someone solve a problem. Don’t focus on what you have to offer. Get to know someone, their story, their problem and then try to solve it for them. This may not end up with you selling a product or a service.  But you’ve helped someone find what they need. You’ve made their day and my bet is that they’ll remember you for it.

Peter Shankman: Take responsibility for your actions

My take: If you screw up – admit it. Don’t try to hide – don’t try a cover up. Your motive for admitting a mistake is not to clear your path for future success. But there is an unintended consequence for doing so. Admitting a mistake demonstrates that while you may not be perfect, you may still be a trustworthy person.

Amber Naslund: “We are wayfarers. It’s not the era of experts…

It’s the era of inquisitors. It’s the era of the curious.”

My take: We’re at a pivotal moment in time. Social media and technology are giving us opportunities to do business, life and relationships in a new way. Let’s not only capture the wonder of where we are but also question everything we do and how we do it. Out of our questions, let’s create a new way of doing and being in business.

Darren Rowse: Be Useful and Make Life Better

My take: With social media, we have an opportunity to touch many more lives than we did a few years ago. Let’s use it for good. Help people – and make life better – for everyone.

Doug Anweiler: Don’t be a drive-by-social-media-ite

My take: Okay this isn’t exactly verbatim. Doug was actually talking about Twitter but it was such a great metaphor. Being a drive-by-er means being there to post your comment/s and then disappearing from the social media landscape. A drive-by-social-media-ite is like a fair weather friend. There for the minute and gone when you need them. Be available for people.  Stay, engage and be part of an ongoing conversation.

Did you attend BlogWorldLA? If so, what were some of your favourite truisms for social media?

And if you didn’t attend, what advice would you add?

Let’s talk … leave a comment below.

In my last post, I talked a bit about why listening can be difficult – especially when the conversation is a tough one; the stakes are high; we are feeling offended or we feel accused of something.  This time, I want to talk a bit about some things we can be aware of or we can do, that can help us to listen better.

Five Tips for Better Listening

1. Recognize that “I’ve been triggered” feeling. When you are feeling better (not triggered, that is), see if you can unpack the trigger and the feeling either by yourself or with the person that you were triggered with (make sure you feel emotionally safe). Ask yourself, “what was it about what that person said or did or emoted that made me react like that? Be gentle on yourself, it may take some time to get there.
2. Suspend your agenda. Suspending your agenda means inviting the other person to say more about what they are thinking or feeling so that you can gain a fuller understanding of what they are trying to communicate. This is hard because we want to be heard – we all want to say our part.
3. Don’t assume that you know what is coming next!  That isn’t listening – that is prediction and it will get you into difficulties.
4. Put aside your judgments of the person who is speaking. Don’t assume that they don’t have something valuable to say.
5. If someone says something that feels critical to you –remind yourself that underneath your feelings are some negative thoughts about criticism. Try to remind yourself that uncomfortable but accurate evaluation is an opportunity to grow.

We all need help and practice to improve our listening ability.  Are there other techniques that you use to help yourself stay focused on listening?

Why is “listening” so hard in difficult conversations?

You know the difficult conversations that I’m talking about… the ones where you are confronted about your choices or your behaviour or something you said. Or the conversations where you feel criticized and put down.

There are many reasons why we won’t (or is it that can’t?) listen – especially in difficult conversations.

• We are emotionally triggered by someone’s mannerisms, choice of words, voice or tone. Because we are triggered (and usually feeling pretty defensive), it becomes really hard to “listen” – to receive the communication from the other person.
• We have an agenda of what we want to communicate in the conversation. We have a point to make, a lesson to teach or a comment that will “change the other person’s perspective” and we can’t wait to get it out!
• We think that we already know what the other person is going to say. How many times have you noticed that people don’t listen because they already assume that they know what you are going to say?
• Listening is difficult when the speaker has low credibility in our eyes.
• Our feelings get in the way of listening: when someone points out a mistake, they never say we are incompetent or stupid, but we sure can feel like that is the message…

Listening is an art. But listening can also be painful. I’ve shared a few examples of when we find it hard to listen and hear but I am sure that there are many more.  Now it is your turn… when do you find it difficult to listen or hear people?

Next time, I would like to talk about how we can improve our ability to listen. Stay tuned…

Last week, I was challenged by someone on Twitter, to update my blog, with the promise that he/she would drop by to visit once the blog was updated.  I waffled back and forth between excitement that someone had taken the time to look at my Twitter profile and website and mild annoyance that someone was coaxing/recommending that I update my blog.  As a classic rebel, I don’t always do well with good advice.

So I got to thinking about Twitter and that one small interaction.  It was my first person to person interaction.  I was happy that I was not just speaking into the Twitter cloud along with all the other Tweets. I was talking to someone and someone was talking to me… it wasn’t a lot of white noise conversation.  And it has made me rethink how I will use Twitter….  Here is what I have learned.

• DM’s (direct messages) are better than putting stuff out there – you might get real interaction.
• I was using Twitter to learn from others – now I will not only gather info but will thank people for their tweets when I use their information or find it beneficial.  How can you build a relationship with someone if you don’t thank them for what they have given (didn’t my mother teach me that?)
• Ask people to let you know (using DM’s) when your information is useful.
• Be one-on-one with people – at first I put out tweets that were like standing on a soapbox. Now I plan to engage.

So I am grateful for that interaction last week. I will no longer use Twitter as a platform to gather information, but as a platform to engage with people.  I know, I know  -  it was intended to be used that way in the first place.  But for some reason I wasn’t using it that way.

So thanks, Twitter friend, for that small interaction.  It moved me away from being an onlooker to the place of wanting to engage. 

Where are you at on the Twitter spectrum?  Are you an onlooker – an outlier? Engaged? Information gatherer?  I would love to know where you stand… and while you are at it, tell me what you have learned.